The Canvas Grey

Inspiration, Perspective, Insight

Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Emails you just can’t resist sharing…

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on April 2, 2008

Thanks to my friend Deb who emailed me this recycling email.  This is funny, I don’t care who you are!

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America…. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES” you must now refer to them as “APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.”

Furthermore: 

She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”


She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

She does not “NAG” – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”


He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”


He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”


It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”

More funnies that Accountable posted on her site (I love the 80’s). 

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Posted in Appreciation, Fun, Games, Humor, Life, Trends | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Invasion of the Hubby Snatchers!!!!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on March 7, 2008

s2400042_edited.jpgThat is right…invasion of the Hubby Snatchers…coming to a blog near you!

I couldn’t help but snap a few pictures to document the fact that I went to sleep with one large hubby and woke up to two smaller versions this morning.

  s2400043_edited.jpg

HOW do they do that and WHEN do they do that?  My hubby explains it as a push and shove proposition that takes place late at night after a spell has been cast over me. 

s2400040_edited.jpg

It is quite magical and fun!  I plan to cherish these moments as they go so very quickly.

And while I’m reminded through pictures,  I’m also building ammo for the terrible teens!  😉

Posted in Children, Dad, Family, Father, Fun, Humor, Kids, Life, Love, Mom, Mother, Spirituality | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

The Teacher still teaches…

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on March 3, 2008

Many of you have seen or heard about Randy Pausch (A Teacheris the link on my blogroll) and his profound final lecture.  I like to keep up on his activities as I am lead to pray for he and his family and all those that suffer from “difficult” diagnoses.  His most recent update proves he is still teaching, God bless him. 

If you or someone you know is facing a difficult diagnoses this is something to read and rejoice:

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/news/medianNotMessage.html

He also has a new lecture about time management that I just discovered.  I think he wrote it for me…I’m in DESPERATE need.  I’ll be watching it soon! 

White Rabbit

Photo by krisopherallen

 

Posted in Appreciation, Awareness, Blogroll, Dad, Dreams, Father, Glow, Grow, Health, Hope, Learn, Life, Links, Miracles, Spirituality, Stress, Think about it, Truth | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

2008 Make it GREAT!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on January 1, 2008

Beginning another year

fresh and new;

It may be your last,

and be my last too.

What would you do if

it was your last year?

Make memories, take pictures,

kiss and hold all those who are dear?

You may find it morbid,

you may find it scary,

But the truth is it’s a year

filled with dread AND with merry.

So choose your perspective

watch for good or for bad,

It will make you the same

so why not be GLAD!!!!!!!

I wish for you and yours a VERY HAPPY and HEALTHY 2008!

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that mine with be GREAT!!!!!

By Deb (www.thecanvasgrey.wordpress.com)

Posted in Appreciation, Awareness, Children, Family, Fun, Grow, Health, Hope, Kids, Learn, Life, Love, thankfulness, Think about it, Truth | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Shake Your Tail feathers!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on November 6, 2007

Can you believe this?

Shake your tail feathers! 

Posted in Dancing, Fun, Health, Hope, Humor | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Hot Fashion Trend Alert for Women

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on October 25, 2007

TREND:  Women wearing their PJs (pajamas) to the store. 

THE RULES:  You may NOT wear baby dolls, gowns or house coats…that is tacky and what mama would wear.  It must be a shirt or hoodie with PJ bottoms and slippers!!!! 

My dear friends came to visit from another state last month.  She could hardly believe I was serious about this latest trend UNTIL she got back to her state walked into the store and first thing she saw was….yep.   We laughed for 2 solid minutes when she called on her cell.   

I guess we found this odd because the grocery store is the PERFECT place to meet the PERFECT eligible man (a man who cooks **wink wink nudge nudge**).

Over the last year I’ve seen everything from a green hoodie, white leggings with pink tulips and bunnie slippers to a yellow camisole, purple M.C. Hammer pants with grandpa slippers.  Some looked not bad…others looked ridiculous! RE-DIC-YOU-LESS cause ya ain’t catching a man you’d want in a get-up like that! 

Although I may now consider investing in THESE as the next WHAT TO WEAR!

pjs.jpg

UPDATE 12/12/07  Ladies, ladies…. alert alert…I kid you not! At school pick up I saw it! Yellow as the sun PJ shirt, brown pj pants and TWEETY YELLOW slippers…fluffy yellow slippers. The trend GROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update 12/19/07  Come on people!  This is becoming the thing to do in our area.  I see the slippers out on the street now…BIG FLUFFIES!  We all better hurry over to this website to purchase these before they are SOLD OUT!

Posted in Clothes, Fun, Girls, Humor, Learn, Life, Mom, Mother, Trends, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

ALERT! Major Paradigm Shift Occurring!!!!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on October 1, 2007

This morning I was sorting through some items for a volunteer position.  I had the boob tube on THE VIEW because they have Whoopi now.  I love her because she makes me think AND laugh, a great combination.    

Chris Mathews was on talking about how he believes that politicians are smart because they are people who don’t make anything or do anything except raise money and make policies for other people to follow.  I liked that (chuckle).  Then Mr. Mathews points out that politicians ask for and get money from people who are accountable to them (the politician).  Okay, let’s review that carefully because this paradigm shift blew me out of the water.  Another way to say it is:  Politicians don’t “owe” those that contribute or vote for them anything.   The ladies jumped on it and asked how this could be.  Mr. Mathews went on to say that people who give something to someone have basically passed on their power to the person to whom they have given something.

Difficult to completely comprehend that isn’t it?  Mr. Mathews pointed out that most of us have the mindset of an accountant thinking a campaign contribution holds the politician accountable to us.  However, this isn’t true because basically WE are indebted to the politician because we gave/paid them our money/trust.  In other words, I’ve got mine and forget about yours or what you THOUGHT I said/promised/did/going to do, etc.  You’ve just given me your power.

That is the second time THIS WEEK I’ve heard this perspective.  I’ve heard this here and there for years but thought that perspective is for idiots.  Now, I’m not young and I know the ways of the world ain’t always so great.  But if the paradigm shift like this is coming we are ALL in trouble.  I much prefer the “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” philosophy of life.  At least there was some responsibility and accountability there. 

Are we really going to spin stuff so out of control that our new version will be “you scratch my back, and then turn around as I kick your ass while you walk away?”  Oh, I forgot to add that “I have no accountability for what you’ve done for me, paid or given me!”  Doesn’t this sound like a teenager before they mature, look around at the world and realize what wonderful parents/guardians and up bringing they had?  Doesn’t this type of thinking remind you of spoiled, have it alls that just take and take and take?  Aren’t these people usually considered sociopaths or evil?

So where are those young, “going to change the world” kids from the 60’s who did drugs, love-ins, sit-ins, protests, riots for change against the establishment?  Oh, they ARE the establishment now…and this is the paradigm they are establishing? 

Perspectives, they are funny things aren’t they?  Lately it seems everyone has become a pro at spinning things, manipulating paradigms, inviting different perspectives so be ready to stand on your head and view things from a ridiculous angle.

Excuse me while I walk outside and lay down in the street for a completely different perspective!

Posted in Appreciation, Dreams, Family, Hope, Humor, Kids, Life, Media, Politicians, Think about it, Truth | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I feel like laughing today!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on July 11, 2007

You may have read these before but they are GREAT for a laugh on a day when you need a laugh VERY MUCH! 

 911 Calls


Dispatcher: What is your emergency?
Caller:  
I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
  house on the corner.
Dispatcher:
Do you have an address?
Caller:
  No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: What is your emergency?
Caller :  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
  and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
  table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
  taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller:  No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired
  of it!

Dispatcher: What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller:   I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have
  an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
  thing.
Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.


Dispatcher 9-1-1 what’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller:   My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
  minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller:   No, you idiot! This is her husband!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller  Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath.
  Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller:  I’m at a pay phone at North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:  No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
  breathing?
Caller:   Running from the Police.

Posted in Appreciation, Humor, Life | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »