The Canvas Grey

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Posts Tagged ‘laugh’

Emails you just can’t resist sharing…

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on April 2, 2008

Thanks to my friend Deb who emailed me this recycling email.  This is funny, I don’t care who you are!

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America…. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES” you must now refer to them as “APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.”

Furthermore: 

She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”


She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

She does not “NAG” – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”


He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”


He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”


It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”

More funnies that Accountable posted on her site (I love the 80’s). 

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Posted in Appreciation, Fun, Games, Humor, Life, Trends | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

I feel like laughing today!

Posted by TheCanvasGrey on July 11, 2007

You may have read these before but they are GREAT for a laugh on a day when you need a laugh VERY MUCH! 

 911 Calls


Dispatcher: What is your emergency?
Caller:  
I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
  house on the corner.
Dispatcher:
Do you have an address?
Caller:
  No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: What is your emergency?
Caller :  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
  and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
  table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
  taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller:  No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired
  of it!

Dispatcher: What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller:   I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have
  an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
  thing.
Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.


Dispatcher 9-1-1 what’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller:   My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
  minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller:   No, you idiot! This is her husband!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller  Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath.
  Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller:  I’m at a pay phone at North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:  No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
  breathing?
Caller:   Running from the Police.

Posted in Appreciation, Humor, Life | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »